Envisionary Design is hiring a

Web3 Quantum-Level Creative Unicorn Director of Multi-Reality Brand Consciousness

🌌 NOW HIRING: Quantum-Level Creative Unicorn Director of Multi-Reality Brand Consciousness

Location: Remote. Multiverse-enabled. Occasional teleportation preferred.

Compensation: Renegotiable with every lunar cycle. Equity in dreams. Bonuses paid in NFTs, karmic credits, and planetary resonance.

🦄 INTRODUCTION

This is not a job.

This is a cosmic calling disguised as a professional opportunity.

We are seeking the impossible—an alchemically forged, multi-disciplinary, poly-skilled Creative Unicorn with the ability to bend light, language, and logic to build brands that pierce the veil of reality itself.

If you’ve ever Photoshopped in the astral plane, wireframed during a sweat lodge ceremony, or pitched a global rebrand telepathically while speedrunning Diablo IV—read on.

This is for you.

🧬 WHO WE ARE

ÆTHR Collective is a decentralized creative intelligence unit powered by AI, storytelling, caffeine, and sheer will. We operate across time zones, dimensions, and browser tabs. Some say we’re a branding agency. Others call us a secret order of interdimensional creatives.

We’ve worked with:

• Startup founders having midlife crises
• Fortune 100s launching NFT-backed chicken nuggets
• Political campaigns (both terrestrial and theoretical)
• Musicians, mystics, and meme lords

We believe in:

• Big ideas that make reality flinch
• Beautiful design that causes goosebumps
• Strategy so tight it makes Google ask us for answers

Our only rule: No boring brands.

🎯 THE ROLE

You will become our Creative Unicorn Director—a hybrid of Creative Director, Art Wizard, Copy Alchemist, Brand Oracle, UX Therapist, Meme Lord, and sometimes Client Whisperer.

Your job?

Make things so good they hurt people in a good way.

💥 WHAT YOU'LL DO🎨 DESIGN & CREATIVE DIRECTION

• Architect visual systems that make Helvetica jealous
• Turn mood boards into full sensory experiences
• Craft >
• Lead brainstorms that feel like lucid dreams with coffee

🔊 COPYWRITING & STORYTELLING

• Write taglines that slap across timelines
• Author brand manifestos that cause spontaneous awakenings
• Craft CTA buttons with 40%+ clickthrough just from vibes

🌐 DIGITAL EXPERIENCE & UX

• Design websites that reduce bounce rates to zero and raise chakras
• Prototype apps that are more intuitive than human thought
• Optimize load times until pages appear before you type the URL

🎬 CONTENT & MULTIMEDIA

• Cut reels that make agency execs cry in boardrooms
• Create content calendars aligned with cosmic astrology
• Animate logos into sentient beings

🤝 STRATEGY & TEAM LEADERSHIP

• Build bridges between creatives, clients, and chaos
• Translate vague client feedback into visionary outcomes
• Mentor junior designers, interns, and emotionally lost stakeholders

🧠 YOU’RE PROBABLY THIS KIND OF PERSON IF…

• You see a bad kerning job and feel physical pain
• You’ve redesigned the universe in your head… more than once
• You’ve A/B tested your own personality for higher retention
• You once won an argument with ChatGPT (and it apologized)
• Your mood board once got featured in the Louvre

⚙️ SKILLS YOU'LL NEED

• Expert in Figma, Photoshop, Illustrator, After Effects, Webflow, Blender, Notion, Midjourney, DaVinci Resolve, and definitely black magic
• Understands HTML/CSS like a second language (or third if you already speak sarcasm and binary)
• Writes with clarity, power, and a touch of existential dread
• Comfortable toggling between typefaces and alternate dimensions

🛸 BONUS POINTS IF...

• You’ve ever solved a creative brief using tarot
• You’ve rebranded someone’s life during a casual coffee chat
• You launched a meme campaign that made the stock market wobble
• You’ve been fired for “too much vision”
• You’ve created at least one fictional brand just for the aesthetics

🧘 WHAT WE OFFER

• No meetings before 11am (Earth Time)
• Unlimited PTO (including lunar eclipses and mental recalibrations)
• Choose-your-own salary model (negotiated via interpretive dance or chess)
• Access to our brand library, spell archive, and meme database
• Weekly team check-ins that may include incense, NFTs, and AI-generated therapy

🧿 HOW TO APPLY

Please DO NOT send us:

• A résumé in Word format
• Generic cover letters written in 2013

Instead, submit:

• A portfolio that disrupts your own identity
• A creative artifact (meme, haiku, landing page, TikTok, vibe-check playlist)
• A Loom video where you pitch a brand refresh for Atlantis or Blockbuster 2040
• Bonus: email subject line written in binary code or Wingdings

🚫 DO NOT APPLY IF...

• You’ve ever said “Can we make the logo pop more?”
• You’ve used Comic Sans seriously since 2003
• You believe in safe choices and “just following trends”
• You can't handle feedback delivered via emoji, prophecy, or high-speed Slack rant

🧨 FINAL THOUGHT

This is not a role for the faint of heart, the templated, or the half-committed.

This is for the brave, the unhinged, the wildly talented, and the beautifully weird.

The ones who create like it’s oxygen.

The ones who make reality itself jealous with what they build.

If you’re reading this and feeling something awaken deep within you—some kind of cosmic creative itch—apply.

Or better yet, manifest.

We are waiting.

We are ready.

We believe in unicorns.

Are you one of them?

#QuantumUnicornDirector #CreativeJobs #DesignIsLife #BrandAlchemy #CreativeLeadership #YouCantAffordMeButTry

Let’s break LinkedIn with this masterpiece.

Want me to design a fake hiring portal or Figma landing page screenshot to make it even more immersive? We can layer this satire like a seven-tier cake.

Apply Now: